Posts Tagged ‘hope’

  • Coming Out To The Parents

    By coverthomo

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    This Thanksgiving weekend has been a rather interesting one. My family had a nice dinner at my aunts house. It was good to see all of the family. I hope all of you readers enjoyed your day as well.

    Recently, I have been getting the sense that everyone knows about me being gay and that me pretending it is a secret is just a big joke. Now, I am not the flamboyant type, and I tend to keep to myself so the obvious signs that people look for are probably not so obvious. I have never had a girlfriend or really showed any interest in women at all. So one could certainly speculate in that regard.

    I think the time is coming closer for me to start telling more people. I have been thinking about the best ways to tell my parents. I don’t suppose there is a good way to tell your parents that you are gay. My father tends to overreact to any ‘big’ news and my mother is so ignorant about these sorts of things and she will probably be the one that falls for all of the stereotypes.

    My mother is an interesting woman. She really has had a tough life. She lost both of her parents at a relatively young age and she really struggles with alcoholism. I love my mother, I really do, but she is also very unintelligent. All of these things are going to be difficult to maneuver when I decide to tell her.

    I need to tell my parents and the rest of my family at some point. It is really what is holding me back from being completely open about it. I really can’t keep putting it off. I am completely independent of them which is comforting to know in a worst case scenario situation. The holidays are probably not the best time to tell them as I am sure there is going to be overwhelming amounts of stress anyway.

    On another note, I am going to go hang out with Anthony this week and we are going to watch Glee and maybe get some takeout or something. I am sure that we are going to have a good time. I am really looking forward to going and just being myself. I will keep you all updated.

    Posted on November 30, 2009 to:

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  • What I Learned From My Trip

    By coverthomo

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    A week ago at this very moment, I was checking out of my hotel. A week has passed and I have needed it to process how I feel about everything.

    I think that this week has affirmed a lot of feelings that I have towards him as well as brought us closer a little bit.

    I got to see his family, his room, all of the things he made in shop class in high school. There were racing posters all over his walls. The room looks like he hadn’t ever touched it since he left home for college.

    We went downstairs and he played his piano and his guitar. He is even better in person than in the recordings. His mother and I watched and talked about him for a couple minutes as he played.

    We went to dinner and we talked about his boyfriend. I really got the sense that he really likes him and that made me feel a little more at peace. We went to a local brew pub later and had a couple drinks and then drove around town for a while. He showed me his high school and the parking lot that he would sit in and get high at night when he was in high school. We just drove around for a few hours looking at all of the different sights before he dropped me off at my hotel.

    The next day was the day I left. He met me at my hotel. His hair wasn’t done in the usual sexy way, just toweld dried from the shower. He seemed a little sad. We both were. We went to a little shopping plaza and just walked around for a while. We were not our usual goofy selves.

    We got lunch and then made our way to the airport. We had time to kill. We were parking at the airport and his boyfriend called. The speaker was turned up loud enough so I could hear his voice. He now felt real.

    We went inside, both not saying much. We made the way to the gate and said our goodbyes. I hugged him and then watched as he walked away. He turned back twice and waved a bit before he was gone.

    I made my way through security and got a soda for the flight. I sat waiting to board and needed to talk to someone. I called my mom. She asked why I was sad. I told her that I didn’t want to leave and I started crying. She told me that I was young and that I should do whatever makes me happy. For once she had something helpful to say.

    I cried most of the flight home. All I could think about was how much I cared about him and how much I wished I could tell him. I was also thinking how much I wanted to kiss him and just hold him or lie in bed with him. At this point I knew that that is never going to be possible, which made it that much worse.

    I think he sensed what I was feeling and maybe felt bad or maybe wished I would address it. Maybe he felt at least some of the same things to some degree. Either way, he was different then.

    I have had a week to think about everything. What I have come away with thus far is that I love him and care about him deeply. I want him to be happy. I want to be the best friend I can be for him and I want to be special to him on some level.

    This trip was good for me. I don’t regret anything. I had a great time and I loved seeing where he comes from and what he was like before I knew him. I hope I get to go visit him again soon.

    Posted on November 1, 2009 to:

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  • Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up

    By coverthomo

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    letgoI wanted to pass this along to everyone. It’s something that I read on JoesphRanseth.com. The original author is unknown.

    To “Let Go” Takes Love
    To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
    To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can’t control others.
    To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
    To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
    To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
    To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
    To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
    To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
    To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
    To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
    To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
    To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
    To “Let Go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.
    To “Let Go” is to not regret the past but to grow and to live for the future.
    To “Let Go” is to fear less and to love more.

    After reading this and admittedly almost coming to tears, I realized what I need to start letting go of in my life and how its not a bad thing, but necessary to grow be myself. I need to gather the strength and just start letting go.

    I hope someone out there finds this as helpful as I have.

    Posted on October 19, 2009 to:

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  • Dear Mom and Dad,

    By coverthomo

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    Dear Mom and Dad,

    This week marks the third year that I have been out of the house and living on my own. It feels as though it was not long ago that I was moving out, while at the same time, so much has changed in the past few years that I have been away.

    I have made some new friends here, started an amazing job and had some amazing opportunities. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t realize how fortunate I am to have what I have. I am happy.

    I am very fortunate to have great parents and great family. I really do believe that my upbringing and my experiences as a child molded me into the person I am today and is in part the reason I am blessed with what I have today.

    There is something that has been keeping me back from being as happy as I can be. I have been unable to share part of my life with you that means a lot to me. I have struggled to find a way to tell you for years as there seemed to be no natural time so I thought I would take the opportunity to tell you in this letter. I’m gay.

    I am sure that you have at least suspected it. I have tried to leave hints here and there. Being gay is not a choice. It is something that I have struggled with for years and have recently come to terms with.

    I know there are all sorts of stereotypes that you probably have of gay people. I promise, I don’t fit into any of them. I am still (CH) and I am still your son just like I have always been. There is no reason for alarm. I am perfectly healthy and perfectly happy.

    I hope now that this brings us closer. I know it may be hard to understand or accept, but I ask that you try. I don’t expect our relationship to change. In fact, I hope it doesn’t other than making it more honest. I love you both very much and I am here to answer any questions you have and to talk about this when you are ready.

    Your Most Loving Son,

    CH

    **I have not sent this to my parents, nor do I have plans to anytime soon. It just seems as though writing letters to people really makes you think critically about them and about your relationship to them. After I read this, it seems sort of impersonal. Let me know what you think**

    Posted on September 3, 2009 to:

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  • Protected: How I’m Doing

    By coverthomo

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    Posted on September 1, 2009 to:

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  • Dear Boy

    By coverthomo

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    LetterDear Eric, you were the first boy I loved. You made me feel so special when you told me that you loved me. You are a beautiful person. I know that my childish lies got in the way. I still think about you all the time. Thank you for your forgiveness. You deserve the world, and you will have it.

    Dear Chad, you were my first crush. Your smell in 8th Grade English class cinched the deal for me. That first day was the day I knew I was different. I lusted over you for a couple years. Remember that time when you took your shirt off and laid on my bed? I do. I didn’t wash those sheets for months. My how you have changed since then.

    Dear Zack, you were my buddy in high school. You told me things that you told no one else. You trusted me. I felt safe with you do. I loved reading your writing and I wish we still talked. Call me sometime.

    Dear Kurt, you are a character. I am still not sure what to make of my crush on you. The night I told you I loved you was exhilarating. I told you more in that phone conversation the other night than most close to me could ever hope to know. You are a great guy and I hope you find your way to happiness. You are a good friend and I will always care about you.

    Dear Tony, you are my best friend and I love you so incredibly much. We have had some fun times together and share so many experiences. We share our lives uncensored with each other. You have made me a better person. I truly look forward to being best friends forever. I will never let you settle for less than you deserve. You have so much going for you. I can’t wait to see what your future brings.

    Dear Anthony, you’re such a sweet guy. When I thought that there could not be someone as sappy as I am, you came along and proved me wrong. You make me happy especially when you work that smile and those eyes of yours. The time you came over and fell asleep in my arms during the movie was amazing. Thank you for all of your advice in the past. You have helped me a great deal. You are an amazing guy and are going to make some guy very happy.

    Your’s Truly,

    CH

    Posted on August 24, 2009 to:

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  • Protected: I shall. <3 You

    By coverthomo

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    Posted on August 22, 2009 to:

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  • Protected: He’s Here

    By coverthomo

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    Posted on August 16, 2009 to:

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  • Dating Experiences

    By coverthomo

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    So, this past week I went on a date with someone I had met on OkCupid. He seemed like a nice guy. We both came from similar backgrounds and upbringings. I ventured out and met him for a movie. We saw The Proposal (which was very goood btw) and had a very casual dinner. We really didn’t really hit it off. The whole time at dinner, he talked about his cars which, anyone that knows me know i know very little about. He dropped me off at home, there was an ackward moment of us both saying we had a good time, both not meaning it, before I got out and went inside. We really have only had a couple text messages since. It really wasn’t a big deal, I don’t see anything working out with him.

    I met yet another guy online. He seemed like a really nice guy. He works at an Apple store which excited the inner geek in me. We talked for a while. We both took a liking to one another pretty quickly. We were texting regurally which was cool. We set up a time to go out on a date this weekend. The night before the date he texted me and asked me if we were going on a date or just hanging out. I saw this as him trying to distance himself from me because he didn’t like me or something. I got really upset. It seemed like it was everything piling on top of one another. What i am looking for is someone to like me as much as I like them. That’s all. I haven’t found it yet. I had a lot of hope that this would work out better than guys in the past. He seemed to care more about me and appreciate certain things. I took it to personally when I thought he was trying to back out.

    Come to find out, he does like me. He has anxiety problems that he then told me about. He said he does want to go on a date, he simply got nervous. I felt bad that I jumped to conclusions so quickly and I apologized. Hopefully, this week we will go on a date and I can tell you all about it.

    This may be good for me. In the past, it seemed like I was always the one who really cared about the other guy and wanting to work things out. With him, it feels like an equal effort and an equal appreciateion of eachother. It’s a step along the way. We will see how it goes.

    Posted on July 13, 2009 to:

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  • Republican Hypocrites- The Saga Continues

    By coverthomo

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    Today Governor Mark Standford of South Carolina announced that he too had an affair with a Argentinean woman after disappearing this past weekend.

    I did a little research and discovered that the Governor was indeed opposed to same sex marriage but it seems that he is more outspoken in trying to prohibit gay people from adopting children.

    I would like to ask the Governor what values he is passing along to his children. Having an affair with a woman while married to their mother-that’s a great lesson. Taking a responsibility to govern a state and leaving the country cutting off all forms of contact, leaving the State of South Carolina without a sure leader in the event of an emergency. Good Job Governor!

    To his credit, the Governor came clean about his affair and immediately stepped down from his post as President of the Republican Governors Association. He apologized to his wife and his children. Clearly, this man is not fit to suit the people of South Carolina and should step down from his job as Governor.

    Isn’t great how people like this are making decisions about other people’s families when theirs are some of the most dysfunctional there are.

    Goodbye Governor Stanford. Time to divorce and get a good job to pay alimony and child support. I hope your wife cleans you out.

    Posted on June 24, 2009 to:

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