Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

  • The Straight Best Friend

    By coverthomo

    7 comments

    Lately, I have had a couple of conversations about my best friend and the dynamics of of the gay man/straight man “best friendship.”

    Let me provide you with my story. My best friend was the first person that I came out to. We both went to high school together and had several classes together. He was your typical jock back then. He was on the soccer team and was the star of the track team. He had a very cute girlfriend who he was truly in love with. I was more of the quiet guy who wasn’t really popular and never really spend much time around school after hours.

    I came out to him one day over instant message during our freshman year of college. He was the first person I told and my heart was racing, I was sweating as I typed in that message. After I hit that send button there was nothing that I could but sit in anticipation. This was his message in response:

    “thats perfectly fine with me dude.. to each his own…. there is nothing wrong with that or how you want to live your life.. if anything ur prolly the smart one.. u dont wanna live with a woman trust me haha.. but yeah dude, ur a good guy, and i respect that u were able to tell me that too. its takes a lot of courage… it takes a lot of guts to tell people something like that… some people care about these things and are weirded out by it, but i respect u and i appreciate the friendship that we have… if this is how u feel there is nothing i can do about it.. I accept you for you”

    I don’t think there is anything more that he could have said to put me at ease. I felt so relieved, so grateful.

    Today, we are still great friends. We often talk with each other about life how old we are getting. When we were kids, we always talked about how we were both going to be successful when we got out of our small towns and now we look back at that and laugh because we are part of the few that did get out and are making something of ourselves. He always comes to me seeking relationship advice which I am always happy to give. We have been making more and more of an effort to hang out together when we can. I am planning on having him over for a weekend in a couple weeks. We don’t talk much about my being gay which frankly, is fine by me. Him seeing me as much more than that is just what I wanted. I feel comfortable talking with him though. Recently when I was going through a rough time, he sensed something was wrong and we were able to talk about it. He truly is a great friend and I am honored to have him in my life.

    I know that coming out to a straight friend may not always go as well as it did for me. Do you have a straight best or close friend? How did he react when you told him you were gay? Are you still close? Let me know in the comments.

    Posted on January 19, 2010 to:

    Tagged:

  • What I Learned From My Trip

    By coverthomo

    Add a comment

    A week ago at this very moment, I was checking out of my hotel. A week has passed and I have needed it to process how I feel about everything.

    I think that this week has affirmed a lot of feelings that I have towards him as well as brought us closer a little bit.

    I got to see his family, his room, all of the things he made in shop class in high school. There were racing posters all over his walls. The room looks like he hadn’t ever touched it since he left home for college.

    We went downstairs and he played his piano and his guitar. He is even better in person than in the recordings. His mother and I watched and talked about him for a couple minutes as he played.

    We went to dinner and we talked about his boyfriend. I really got the sense that he really likes him and that made me feel a little more at peace. We went to a local brew pub later and had a couple drinks and then drove around town for a while. He showed me his high school and the parking lot that he would sit in and get high at night when he was in high school. We just drove around for a few hours looking at all of the different sights before he dropped me off at my hotel.

    The next day was the day I left. He met me at my hotel. His hair wasn’t done in the usual sexy way, just toweld dried from the shower. He seemed a little sad. We both were. We went to a little shopping plaza and just walked around for a while. We were not our usual goofy selves.

    We got lunch and then made our way to the airport. We had time to kill. We were parking at the airport and his boyfriend called. The speaker was turned up loud enough so I could hear his voice. He now felt real.

    We went inside, both not saying much. We made the way to the gate and said our goodbyes. I hugged him and then watched as he walked away. He turned back twice and waved a bit before he was gone.

    I made my way through security and got a soda for the flight. I sat waiting to board and needed to talk to someone. I called my mom. She asked why I was sad. I told her that I didn’t want to leave and I started crying. She told me that I was young and that I should do whatever makes me happy. For once she had something helpful to say.

    I cried most of the flight home. All I could think about was how much I cared about him and how much I wished I could tell him. I was also thinking how much I wanted to kiss him and just hold him or lie in bed with him. At this point I knew that that is never going to be possible, which made it that much worse.

    I think he sensed what I was feeling and maybe felt bad or maybe wished I would address it. Maybe he felt at least some of the same things to some degree. Either way, he was different then.

    I have had a week to think about everything. What I have come away with thus far is that I love him and care about him deeply. I want him to be happy. I want to be the best friend I can be for him and I want to be special to him on some level.

    This trip was good for me. I don’t regret anything. I had a great time and I loved seeing where he comes from and what he was like before I knew him. I hope I get to go visit him again soon.

    Posted on November 1, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • The Eve of My Travel

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    flySo tomorrow afternoon I will be heading out to visit Tony. I am excited about the trip. I have never spent that much time in that part of the country and I love flying.

    I guess I am second guessing myself on what I want to talk to him about this weekend. Maybe I am just nervous. I do really want to have a good heart to heart with him about where we stand and to tell him that I am okay with him seeing guys and he doesn’t have to hide it from me.

    I get in late tomorrow night so we are probably just going to get drinks and hang out. Maybe I will get to chat with him at the hotel later.

    I am going to be updating the blog over the weekend and will be tweeting. Wish me luck.

    Posted on October 22, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    letgoI wanted to pass this along to everyone. It’s something that I read on JoesphRanseth.com. The original author is unknown.

    To “Let Go” Takes Love
    To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
    To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can’t control others.
    To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
    To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
    To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
    To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
    To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
    To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
    To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
    To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
    To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
    To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
    To “Let Go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.
    To “Let Go” is to not regret the past but to grow and to live for the future.
    To “Let Go” is to fear less and to love more.

    After reading this and admittedly almost coming to tears, I realized what I need to start letting go of in my life and how its not a bad thing, but necessary to grow be myself. I need to gather the strength and just start letting go.

    I hope someone out there finds this as helpful as I have.

    Posted on October 19, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • Trip Booked

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    So on October 23rd I am going to head out to visit Tony. Last night, I booked the flights out there. They were a little more expensive than I would have like to pay, but it is going to be worth it. I have not been to this part of the country so I am excited about that too.

    Hopefully, I will get to see Joe too. It is going to be really great to meet him after over six years of knowing him.

    I am really excited. I am sure that I will be posting more details about what we are going to do before I go and definitely a post-visit post.

    Posted on October 9, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • Protected: How I’m Doing

    By coverthomo

    2 comments

    This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


    Posted on September 1, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • It’s Time to Love Myself

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    If there is one thing that I have taken away from this weekend and my vacation last week is that I need to love myself before I can expect anyone to love me. People have told me this in the past but I always brushed it off.

    This weekend I have decided to make some changes to my life. I need to be able to love myself so I can understand why others may as well. I will start to eat more healthily, go out more, and be more positive about life and surround myself with positive people.

    I want to be able to look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. I need to feel that I am making a difference to someone and that I am needed. I need to stop being who I am simply because it is who I have been in the past. I need to live and love for ME.

    If you would have told me I would be saying this a week ago, I would have thought that you were crazy. There is something to it though. I need to be comfortable enough with myself so that I will be more comfortable putting myself out there and meeting new people.

    I need to let those around me know what they mean to me. I need to live with no regrets. I need to be a better person for me and for them. I know that I have let some people down, and it is time to put that to an end. MY CHANGE STARTS NOW

    I love you.

    Posted on August 24, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • Protected: I shall. <3 You

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


    Posted on August 22, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • Protected: His First Day Here

    By coverthomo

    Add a comment

    This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


    Posted on August 17, 2009 to:

    Tagged:

  • Noteworthy Articles

    By coverthomo

    Add a comment

    Hey everyone. I just posted some interesting articles in the Delicious section of my blog. It seems that more and more stories are making it into mainstream media about gays and their relationships with society. The article I posted from the New York Times discusses friendships in a gay/straight relationship. The other I found on the front page of CNN.com this morning talking about gay parents and their children and how they are not so different than any other children (shocker, I know) Give them a read. I am sure you will find them interesting.

    Posted on June 29, 2009 to:

    Tagged: