• This Thanksgiving weekend has been a rather interesting one. My family had a nice dinner at my aunts house. It was good to see all of the family. I hope all of you readers enjoyed your day as well.

    Recently, I have been getting the sense that everyone knows about me being gay and that me pretending it is a secret is just a big joke. Now, I am not the flamboyant type, and I tend to keep to myself so the obvious signs that people look for are probably not so obvious. I have never had a girlfriend or really showed any interest in women at all. So one could certainly speculate in that regard.

    I think the time is coming closer for me to start telling more people. I have been thinking about the best ways to tell my parents. I don’t suppose there is a good way to tell your parents that you are gay. My father tends to overreact to any ‘big’ news and my mother is so ignorant about these sorts of things and she will probably be the one that falls for all of the stereotypes.

    My mother is an interesting woman. She really has had a tough life. She lost both of her parents at a relatively young age and she really struggles with alcoholism. I love my mother, I really do, but she is also very unintelligent. All of these things are going to be difficult to maneuver when I decide to tell her.

    I need to tell my parents and the rest of my family at some point. It is really what is holding me back from being completely open about it. I really can’t keep putting it off. I am completely independent of them which is comforting to know in a worst case scenario situation. The holidays are probably not the best time to tell them as I am sure there is going to be overwhelming amounts of stress anyway.

    On another note, I am going to go hang out with Anthony this week and we are going to watch Glee and maybe get some takeout or something. I am sure that we are going to have a good time. I am really looking forward to going and just being myself. I will keep you all updated.

  • I have been keeping busy over the past week or so. I have more or less been pretty good overall. I really miss Tony and where he is from. I really want to go back sometime soon and see it all again. He may be be graduating next December so that would be a good time to go out there and see him then.

    Work has been going pretty well. School work is piling up. I have to go into the office tomorrow to let a contractor in. I think I am going to get as much work done as possible.

    It’s a quiet night tonight. I have fallen in love with our new TV. We just got all of the HD hookups so I am rediscovering TV.

    Last week, I decided to tell one of my aunts that I am gay. I actually started telling her over Facebook chat and then we talked on the phone for a couple hours. I was particularly scared to tell her because she is politically conservative and has made some comments about gay marriage and the fact that she didn’t want her kids exposed to that.

    Our conversation could not have went better. She told me that she was fine with it and that she loved me. She said that it would in no way affect my relationship with her kids. I actually got to see her last weekend which doesn’t happen that often.

    This week as I was walking to work, I got a phone call from her. We exchanged pleasantries and then came the shocker. Since I talked to her about my trip to see Tony, she offered to have us both stay at her place since my uncle is going to be out of the country for a few months.  She said ,”You and your friend cold come here and visit the city and use (my uncle’s) car.” That was a total surprise. I don’t think that we will be taking her up on the offer, it was a very pleasant surprise.

    Hopefully, this will set the stage for more good stories to come. I am going to start telling more people. It is time. I am ready. If they aren’t, thats’s their problem. I will keep you all updated. Until next time…

    Posted on November 7, 2009 to:

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  • Dear Mom and Dad,

    This week marks the third year that I have been out of the house and living on my own. It feels as though it was not long ago that I was moving out, while at the same time, so much has changed in the past few years that I have been away.

    I have made some new friends here, started an amazing job and had some amazing opportunities. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t realize how fortunate I am to have what I have. I am happy.

    I am very fortunate to have great parents and great family. I really do believe that my upbringing and my experiences as a child molded me into the person I am today and is in part the reason I am blessed with what I have today.

    There is something that has been keeping me back from being as happy as I can be. I have been unable to share part of my life with you that means a lot to me. I have struggled to find a way to tell you for years as there seemed to be no natural time so I thought I would take the opportunity to tell you in this letter. I’m gay.

    I am sure that you have at least suspected it. I have tried to leave hints here and there. Being gay is not a choice. It is something that I have struggled with for years and have recently come to terms with.

    I know there are all sorts of stereotypes that you probably have of gay people. I promise, I don’t fit into any of them. I am still (CH) and I am still your son just like I have always been. There is no reason for alarm. I am perfectly healthy and perfectly happy.

    I hope now that this brings us closer. I know it may be hard to understand or accept, but I ask that you try. I don’t expect our relationship to change. In fact, I hope it doesn’t other than making it more honest. I love you both very much and I am here to answer any questions you have and to talk about this when you are ready.

    Your Most Loving Son,

    CH

    **I have not sent this to my parents, nor do I have plans to anytime soon. It just seems as though writing letters to people really makes you think critically about them and about your relationship to them. After I read this, it seems sort of impersonal. Let me know what you think**

  • This weekend, I went home to see my parents. It was a relatively quiet weekend. My father said something that just reminded me how clueless some of my family really is about my sexuality.

    My dad was talking about how my mother and I used to take a vacation every year and how my mom misses that. I told him kinda jokingly that my mother goes to bed at 7 o’clock every night and that that would not make for a very exciting evening see as I am usually up until at least 2 am. He replied, “Well, you can just go to a bar and find a woman and bring her home.” It would be like my father to say something like that. Not only am I not into women, nor have I ever led him to believe that I was but I don’t drink.

    It’s frustrating sometimes because I would love it if they would just take the hint and figure it out. I have not gone out of my way to hide it. I have never dated a woman, or ever showed interest in them for that matter.

    I know that I am looking for the cheap way out. Having them ask me would be a lot easier than having to tell them (at least easier for me). Truth is, I don’t know how they will take it. I can see my dad being upset at first, but then coming around. I haven’t a clue about my mother but I think that she would be the less accepting parent. I guess we’ll see in time.

  • I found this poem on PIER ROBERTO GIANNELLI’s site. This poem was written about a person who was at one time promiscuous and became infected who feared telling the people he loved I found another meaning that I could apply to my life.

    BEFORE I CONFESS

    Will you love me, even though
    I’m someone you don’t quite know?

    Will you show me understanding
    When I’m unfair and demanding?

    Will you love me in spite of
    The childish fear behind my love?

    Will you love and want me still
    When I’m old and poor . . . or ill?

    Wait–will you love me if I say
    . . . What I may not . . . or I may . . .

    Will you love me anyway?

    Please visit HomoEroticPoems.blogspot.com to read this and other poems by this author.

    *This poem is not my work. If you are the owner and would like it removed email admin@coverthomo.com and it will be removed promptly.

    Posted on April 21, 2009 to:

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  • So after talking yesterday to the guy I am going out on a date with this weekend, I decided that I need to start telling more people about me being gay. He spoke in an honest manner and told me that the fact that I am not out at all is a turn off. So today I decided to take some action.

    I decided that one of my aunts would be the best person to tell. I told her that there was something that I needed to talk to her about and that it needed to stay between us. She agreed. I was shaking and I felt sick to my stomach. I ended up telling her. I kind of knew that she would be okay with it and she was. She told me that it was our secret and that she was there for me. It was a great feeling. We ended up talking for a few hours. She asked all sorts of questions. I assured her that I was not into any weird sexual things or anything like that. She asked if there were any older men. I assured her there were none. We also talked about who knows and things like that. I told her about all of my friends and their situations. She was very cool with everything. She assured me that I was always welcome in her house and that if i needed anything, she would be there for me.

    It was a productive day. It was also exhausting at the same time. Now I get to prepare for the next person I tell whoever that may be.

    Posted on April 7, 2009 to:

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  • Joe

    Joe

    Growing up in a small rural town, certainly has some downsides especially for a gay teen. When I was growing up, I really didn’t have any neighbors my age around. My interest for computers flourished once I knew what power the internet had.

    I was part of an online forum called Chadzboyz. In their forum, I met other people that were gay like me that were reaching out to find someone to talk to. One of the friends that I have met was my friend Joe.

    Joe grew up in the Bible Belt. He lived with his very Catholic parents there. Joe and I started talking on a very regular basis. We became close very fast because of what were were sharing with each other. Joe struggled with his sexuality. He was confused and he was also really conflicted because of his faith. I remember some times that he would change his mind and say he was bisexual or straight.

    Time progressed. We both went through high school and we changed. Joe amazingly came out to his parents, and eventually came out to everyone in his town. He has not always been accepted with open arms but today he currently has a boyfriend and they are very open about their relationship. I am very proud of him for finding the strength to be able to come out like he has.

    Joe and I have been friends for five or six years. We still rely on each other for support and tell each other about what is going on with each other. Its amazing that someone that I have yet to meet is one of the closest people to me. His friendship is something I truly value.

    I plan on seeing Joe in the next year or so. I want to take a trip out there and see him. Part of me is excited about it. It will be nice to see him and his boyfriend and finally give him a hug. The other part of me is nervous about it. It’s much easier to tell people these private things on the internet and then when you see them in person, I imagine it is an interesting feeling. I can’t wait.

    If you would like to see what Joe is talking about these days, go over and visit his blog HERE.

  • This week I have taken a big step towards becoming much more comfortable at home. This week, I told my roommate that I am gay. Despite the name of this blog, I don’t like the term “gay”. I asked him if he knew that I liked guys. Over the past month or so, I had been trying to make it obvious. Needless to say, he was awesome about it. Nothing whatsoever has changed. I was so scared. Before I told him, we sat in silence for a good ten minutes before i forced myself to say it.

    I am so happy, and so grateful for how he handled it. Things are sure to be more comfortable as I don’t have to hide at home anymore and worry about him knowing what I am up to. I will update as more develops.