A Twitter buddy posted this this morning and I thought I would share it with all of you. I got a pretty good laugh out of it.
Go follow him at https://twitter.com/thejjmg
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This has been a pleasant Christmas week. I have been home since Wednesday. My family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve so we went to my uncles annual party and then opened our gifts. My parents were both really happy with the gifts that I got them so that made me happy.
Tomorrow, I am going to be going on an impromptu overnight trip with my mother to the beach which should be fun, albeit cold. I am really the only one that is close with my mother so I think that I will be good for her to get out a little bit with me. We usually have a pretty good time and have some good stories to tell after our trips.
New Year’s plans are not set in stone yet but I think I am going to be back in the city and I am going to host my aunt and uncle for the evening. They are a younger couple so it should be pretty fun. I think we are just going to get a couple drinks and walk around the city and see the various displays that are set up for the evening.
New Years seems to be another reminder to me that I am not with someone. It seems like most holidays do that. It sure would be nice to ring in the new year with someone special. Perhaps that is something that I could work on this year.
I feel as though I have made some pretty good strides towards ‘being ready’ to be with someone. I am not perfect, and I still have some work to do, but I think that I am certainly closer than I have ever been. Let’s hope things pan out for me in the new year.
I have made some new contacts through this blog and through twitter. I wanted to welcome them if they have decided to subscribe.
I am curious to see what everyone’s plans are for New Year’s Eve. Will you being staying in or going out? Are you going to be with someone special? Let me know in the comments.
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This Thanksgiving weekend has been a rather interesting one. My family had a nice dinner at my aunts house. It was good to see all of the family. I hope all of you readers enjoyed your day as well.
Recently, I have been getting the sense that everyone knows about me being gay and that me pretending it is a secret is just a big joke. Now, I am not the flamboyant type, and I tend to keep to myself so the obvious signs that people look for are probably not so obvious. I have never had a girlfriend or really showed any interest in women at all. So one could certainly speculate in that regard.
I think the time is coming closer for me to start telling more people. I have been thinking about the best ways to tell my parents. I don’t suppose there is a good way to tell your parents that you are gay. My father tends to overreact to any ‘big’ news and my mother is so ignorant about these sorts of things and she will probably be the one that falls for all of the stereotypes.
My mother is an interesting woman. She really has had a tough life. She lost both of her parents at a relatively young age and she really struggles with alcoholism. I love my mother, I really do, but she is also very unintelligent. All of these things are going to be difficult to maneuver when I decide to tell her.
I need to tell my parents and the rest of my family at some point. It is really what is holding me back from being completely open about it. I really can’t keep putting it off. I am completely independent of them which is comforting to know in a worst case scenario situation. The holidays are probably not the best time to tell them as I am sure there is going to be overwhelming amounts of stress anyway.
On another note, I am going to go hang out with Anthony this week and we are going to watch Glee and maybe get some takeout or something. I am sure that we are going to have a good time. I am really looking forward to going and just being myself. I will keep you all updated.
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I have been keeping busy over the past week or so. I have more or less been pretty good overall. I really miss Tony and where he is from. I really want to go back sometime soon and see it all again. He may be be graduating next December so that would be a good time to go out there and see him then.
Work has been going pretty well. School work is piling up. I have to go into the office tomorrow to let a contractor in. I think I am going to get as much work done as possible.
It’s a quiet night tonight. I have fallen in love with our new TV. We just got all of the HD hookups so I am rediscovering TV.
Last week, I decided to tell one of my aunts that I am gay. I actually started telling her over Facebook chat and then we talked on the phone for a couple hours. I was particularly scared to tell her because she is politically conservative and has made some comments about gay marriage and the fact that she didn’t want her kids exposed to that.
Our conversation could not have went better. She told me that she was fine with it and that she loved me. She said that it would in no way affect my relationship with her kids. I actually got to see her last weekend which doesn’t happen that often.
This week as I was walking to work, I got a phone call from her. We exchanged pleasantries and then came the shocker. Since I talked to her about my trip to see Tony, she offered to have us both stay at her place since my uncle is going to be out of the country for a few months. She said ,”You and your friend cold come here and visit the city and use (my uncle’s) car.” That was a total surprise. I don’t think that we will be taking her up on the offer, it was a very pleasant surprise.
Hopefully, this will set the stage for more good stories to come. I am going to start telling more people. It is time. I am ready. If they aren’t, thats’s their problem. I will keep you all updated. Until next time…
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Dear Mom and Dad,
This week marks the third year that I have been out of the house and living on my own. It feels as though it was not long ago that I was moving out, while at the same time, so much has changed in the past few years that I have been away.
I have made some new friends here, started an amazing job and had some amazing opportunities. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t realize how fortunate I am to have what I have. I am happy.
I am very fortunate to have great parents and great family. I really do believe that my upbringing and my experiences as a child molded me into the person I am today and is in part the reason I am blessed with what I have today.
There is something that has been keeping me back from being as happy as I can be. I have been unable to share part of my life with you that means a lot to me. I have struggled to find a way to tell you for years as there seemed to be no natural time so I thought I would take the opportunity to tell you in this letter. I’m gay.
I am sure that you have at least suspected it. I have tried to leave hints here and there. Being gay is not a choice. It is something that I have struggled with for years and have recently come to terms with.
I know there are all sorts of stereotypes that you probably have of gay people. I promise, I don’t fit into any of them. I am still (CH) and I am still your son just like I have always been. There is no reason for alarm. I am perfectly healthy and perfectly happy.
I hope now that this brings us closer. I know it may be hard to understand or accept, but I ask that you try. I don’t expect our relationship to change. In fact, I hope it doesn’t other than making it more honest. I love you both very much and I am here to answer any questions you have and to talk about this when you are ready.
Your Most Loving Son,
CH
**I have not sent this to my parents, nor do I have plans to anytime soon. It just seems as though writing letters to people really makes you think critically about them and about your relationship to them. After I read this, it seems sort of impersonal. Let me know what you think**
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If there is one thing that I have taken away from this weekend and my vacation last week is that I need to love myself before I can expect anyone to love me. People have told me this in the past but I always brushed it off.
This weekend I have decided to make some changes to my life. I need to be able to love myself so I can understand why others may as well. I will start to eat more healthily, go out more, and be more positive about life and surround myself with positive people.
I want to be able to look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. I need to feel that I am making a difference to someone and that I am needed. I need to stop being who I am simply because it is who I have been in the past. I need to live and love for ME.
If you would have told me I would be saying this a week ago, I would have thought that you were crazy. There is something to it though. I need to be comfortable enough with myself so that I will be more comfortable putting myself out there and meeting new people.
I need to let those around me know what they mean to me. I need to live with no regrets. I need to be a better person for me and for them. I know that I have let some people down, and it is time to put that to an end. MY CHANGE STARTS NOW
I love you.
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Hey everyone. I just posted some interesting articles in the Delicious section of my blog. It seems that more and more stories are making it into mainstream media about gays and their relationships with society. The article I posted from the New York Times discusses friendships in a gay/straight relationship. The other I found on the front page of CNN.com this morning talking about gay parents and their children and how they are not so different than any other children (shocker, I know) Give them a read. I am sure you will find them interesting.
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So, this was a rather busy weekend. I came home early last week so that we could take my grandfather on a fishing trip. We recently found out that he has Alzheimer’s Disease and wanted to take him out fishing before the disease became more advanced. The trip went well despite a few minor things. My father, cousin, grandfather and I that went on the trip. We arrived to our destination a day early which was nice because we were able to relax a bit. There were a few very uncomfortable moments when they would all comment on a woman that we were walking by or something like that. Honestly, I should have expected that so it is not a big deal. We spent a very long day out on the boat that we chartered. The Captain felt bad that we didn’t catch a lot so he kept us out there for four extra hours. To say the least, I was ready to go home.
Coming home is starting to take its toll on me. My parents do nothing but bicker and argue back and forth. It makes it uncomfortable to be here. Needless to say, I ended up taking my dad out to dinner every night to just get out of the house. I surprised him with lobster last night which I think he enjoyed.
I really just want to go back to my apartment and live my life again. I like the structure and routine that there is. That’s probably the main reason I haven’t taken any vacation time at work.
Next weekend, my aunt and cousins are coming to visit from out of town. I am excited to see them but after that weekend, I am going to be staying away from here for a while.
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This week has been a rather long weekend. My roommate went home for the week which left me alone in the apartment.
This week has been pretty uneventful. However, I got a pretty good sense of what the “grown up” life would be if I lived alone all the time. There are parts of being home alone that are nice. I control the tv, then temperature, and am just all around more comfortable around the apartment. However, it sure gets lonely sitting here by myself in the apartment. I found myself going out to dinner more often and talking to friends more online.
One thing I have learned is that I need to get out of the house more and make more friends that are my age. I think that it would be nice to move into someone that I was in a relationship but that is not in the near future. I certainly value my roommate for company. He is a good friend and I am glad that I am going to be here with him for another year. Before I told him that I was gay, I was nervous that he was going to not want to be roommates anymore but when it came time to sign the lease there was no hesitation.
On a side note, I am driving home tomorrow to spend the day with my dad. I am going to buy some nice steaks to grill for dinner. It should be a nice conclusion to the week.
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This weekend I went home and spent some time with my family. This is the second weekend in a row that I have had to go home. Let’s just say that I am glad to be back at my home in the city and I am going to be glad to be back at work.
A while back, I posted about how my aunt told me that my grandparents were talking about me and about how they thought that I may be gay. Today my grandmother tried to slide a comment into a conversation to hint around the fact that she thinks that she knows. She said something to the effect that I could always bring whoever I wanted home and that any friend of mine was a friend of the family.
I thought this was cute. She has never been on for subtlety. Someday, I would love to bring a significant other home. It is something that I think about a lot actually. I have always been close with my family, with some obvious exceptions, and being able to do that would be amazing. I don’t want to say it is a goal, because it shouldn’t be something to really work toward but rather a place that I would like to end up. I think if I had that level of openness and comfortability with my family that I would be a much happier person at home.
My aunt is the only one in my family that currently knows about me. It is a shame but I haven’t really got to hang out with her like we used to so the subject really hasn’t come up. I really don’t know what there is to say on the subject and part of me thinks that I should just not mention it unless it is brought back up again.
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