Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

  • Always Second Best

    By coverthomo

    5 comments

    I am so tired of being second best. It is really starting to wear me out. I am tired of being that guy that everyone is friendly with but has no personal, close attachment to anyone.

    I go out and have a good time with my friends and sometimes my family but at the end of the night, I am the one who goes home alone. Everyone has that closest best friend or relationship with someone that no matter what, I can never be a part of in the same way.

    I want someone to call at night before bed to wish them sweet dreams. I want the random “I’m thinking about you” texts during the day. I want someone to feel happy and safe when I walk into the room because they know that I’m there. I don’t just want to be “that nice kid.” I don’t want that awkward feeling when I send a someone a message and they say they are with their other half.  I want to be IT for someone. To this day, I have never looked someone in the eye and told them I loved them or had them tell me.

    Tony and I had a strong relationship like that for a while but now he has a boyfriend. My best friend and I are close, but he has girls hanging all over him all the time. While both of these guys mean a lot to me, I will never mean to them what they mean to me and there is nothing I can do about it.

    Sometimes I feel socially retarded. I have a few friends who I value a lot but I am just so tired of not having a close, intimate relationship with anyone. It makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Everyone thinks I am a great guy and all of that, but for some reason, here I sit alone on the couch at the end of every night.

    At first, I started thinking that I must be needy wanting all of these things but then I shot that theory down. While I want these things for myself, I really just want to make someone happy in every way I can. My heart is in the right place. What I want is so simple, but means so much to me that I am just about fed up with it. Something needs to change. I’m done.

    Posted on March 4, 2010 to:

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  • Christmas Wrap-up and the Impending New Year

    By coverthomo

    5 comments

    This has been a pleasant Christmas week. I have been home since Wednesday. My family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve so we went to my uncles annual party and then opened our gifts. My parents were both really happy with the gifts that I got them so that made me happy.

    Tomorrow, I am going to be going on an impromptu overnight trip with my mother to the beach which should be fun, albeit cold. I am really the only one that is close with my mother so I think that I will be good for her to get out a little bit with me. We usually have a pretty good time and have some good stories to tell after our trips.

    New Year’s plans are not set in stone yet but I think I am going to be back in the city and I am going to host my aunt and uncle for the evening. They are a younger couple so it should be pretty fun. I think we are just going to get a couple drinks and walk around the city and see the various displays that are set up for the evening.

    New Years seems to be another reminder to me that I am not with someone. It seems like most holidays do that. It sure would be nice to ring in the new year with someone special. Perhaps that is something that I could work on this year.

    I feel as though I have made some pretty good strides towards ‘being ready’ to be with someone. I am not perfect, and I still have some work to do, but I think that I am certainly closer than I have ever been. Let’s hope things pan out for me in the new year.

    I have made some new contacts through this blog and through twitter. I wanted to welcome them if they have decided to subscribe.

    I am curious to see what everyone’s plans are for New Year’s Eve. Will you being staying in or going out? Are you going to be with someone special? Let me know in the comments.

    Posted on December 27, 2009 to:

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  • I’m a New Man and I’m Back

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    Today marks one month since I came home from visiting Tony. I must apologize that I haven’t posted much since my return. It’s been a really tough month and I simply didn’t feel up to it. But, things have changed and I am back.

    This weekend I told Tony that I was in love with him. He said he knew and that was about it. It felt good to get it out. We talked later and had a really productive conversation with him. I told him that I need some time alone to think things through. He said he understood.

    So I am taking a little break. This is what Anthony has been telling me to do

    Posted on November 25, 2009 to:

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  • Protected: Lonely Tonight

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

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    Posted on August 27, 2009 to:

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  • Dear Boy

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    LetterDear Eric, you were the first boy I loved. You made me feel so special when you told me that you loved me. You are a beautiful person. I know that my childish lies got in the way. I still think about you all the time. Thank you for your forgiveness. You deserve the world, and you will have it.

    Dear Chad, you were my first crush. Your smell in 8th Grade English class cinched the deal for me. That first day was the day I knew I was different. I lusted over you for a couple years. Remember that time when you took your shirt off and laid on my bed? I do. I didn’t wash those sheets for months. My how you have changed since then.

    Dear Zack, you were my buddy in high school. You told me things that you told no one else. You trusted me. I felt safe with you do. I loved reading your writing and I wish we still talked. Call me sometime.

    Dear Kurt, you are a character. I am still not sure what to make of my crush on you. The night I told you I loved you was exhilarating. I told you more in that phone conversation the other night than most close to me could ever hope to know. You are a great guy and I hope you find your way to happiness. You are a good friend and I will always care about you.

    Dear Tony, you are my best friend and I love you so incredibly much. We have had some fun times together and share so many experiences. We share our lives uncensored with each other. You have made me a better person. I truly look forward to being best friends forever. I will never let you settle for less than you deserve. You have so much going for you. I can’t wait to see what your future brings.

    Dear Anthony, you’re such a sweet guy. When I thought that there could not be someone as sappy as I am, you came along and proved me wrong. You make me happy especially when you work that smile and those eyes of yours. The time you came over and fell asleep in my arms during the movie was amazing. Thank you for all of your advice in the past. You have helped me a great deal. You are an amazing guy and are going to make some guy very happy.

    Your’s Truly,

    CH

    Posted on August 24, 2009 to:

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  • Dating Experiences

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    So, this past week I went on a date with someone I had met on OkCupid. He seemed like a nice guy. We both came from similar backgrounds and upbringings. I ventured out and met him for a movie. We saw The Proposal (which was very goood btw) and had a very casual dinner. We really didn’t really hit it off. The whole time at dinner, he talked about his cars which, anyone that knows me know i know very little about. He dropped me off at home, there was an ackward moment of us both saying we had a good time, both not meaning it, before I got out and went inside. We really have only had a couple text messages since. It really wasn’t a big deal, I don’t see anything working out with him.

    I met yet another guy online. He seemed like a really nice guy. He works at an Apple store which excited the inner geek in me. We talked for a while. We both took a liking to one another pretty quickly. We were texting regurally which was cool. We set up a time to go out on a date this weekend. The night before the date he texted me and asked me if we were going on a date or just hanging out. I saw this as him trying to distance himself from me because he didn’t like me or something. I got really upset. It seemed like it was everything piling on top of one another. What i am looking for is someone to like me as much as I like them. That’s all. I haven’t found it yet. I had a lot of hope that this would work out better than guys in the past. He seemed to care more about me and appreciate certain things. I took it to personally when I thought he was trying to back out.

    Come to find out, he does like me. He has anxiety problems that he then told me about. He said he does want to go on a date, he simply got nervous. I felt bad that I jumped to conclusions so quickly and I apologized. Hopefully, this week we will go on a date and I can tell you all about it.

    This may be good for me. In the past, it seemed like I was always the one who really cared about the other guy and wanting to work things out. With him, it feels like an equal effort and an equal appreciateion of eachother. It’s a step along the way. We will see how it goes.

    Posted on July 13, 2009 to:

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  • OkCupid

    By coverthomo

    2 comments

    okcupid

    So I have a profile set up on OkCupid and something odd happened recently. I once was getting hardly any one messaging me and now there are all sorts of guys sending me messages.

    There have been some nice guys that I look forward to getting to know. There have also been a couple creepy guys (I guess it comes with the territory) but I have been able to pick up on them pretty quick.

    This dating service is great because it is free. You can look around at other peoples profile and see who has viewed yours. Go take a look if you haven’t already. It’s worth the few minutes.

    Posted on July 7, 2009 to:

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  • What I Want

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    This weekend while at home I had plenty of time to think about what it is that I am looking for in terms of a relationship. Some of the things are expected, others are cliché but nevertheless, they are what I am looking for –or at least what I think I am looking for. I know that it seems like a lot to ask for, but I think I deserve it and I think that I have plenty to bring to the table as well.

    I want a guy who will love me as I am. I am a man of my experiences and they have made me who I am today. I want a guy who will accept that and be happy with it.

    I am looking for a guy whom I can be very close to in every way physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. It needs to be exclusive. I have given this one much thought and I don’t think that I could handle sharing someone that I am close to like that. I need to meet his needs, and he mine.

    I am looking for someone who understands that I am not completely out to all of my friends and family. Ideally, we would have a good support system for each other and help each other come out in our own way and in our own time.

    I want someone to think about throughout the day. I want to wonder how his day is going, what he is doing, and it would be nice to know that he would be thinking the same things.

    I want someone who likes to go out, while at the same time, sees the value in a quiet evening in.

    I want to feel needed. I am a caring guy and I feel good when I feel that I am helping people. I want to help him become the man he wants to be.

    I want him to be the one that I can take home to my family for the holidays and have him be respected by them for the man he is, not the fact that he is with me.

    I want a guy whom I share interests with while at the same time I want him to have his own interests so we can share and learn from on another.

    I want a guy who I could talk to freely without having to censor what I say. I want him to know when something is wrong and ask me about it because he knows that I am not one to talk about problems that I may have.

    I know I can’t and probably will never have all of these things but they are goals to shoot for.

    Post Script: I wrote this this weekend while I was at home and almost didn’t post it because it sounded so sappy and silly. I think I go through phases of being all sappy and then I become a bitter old man. Oh well.

    Posted on May 26, 2009 to:

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  • The Internet and its Conductivity To Virtual Relationships

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    A conversation with a fellow blogger Bryan, made me think about what it is that I seek when meeting people online. In the past, I have had several close relationships with people on the internet. I am curious if I am alone in this or if it has become a norm of my generation. I am also curious as to why developing this relationship online is so much more successful. Some of my very best friends are those I have met online and some I have never met in person.

    The first significant person that I met online was a guy named Eric. Eric and I met under some very odd circumstances online. He was the first guy that I told I loved. I had a very rough childhood and Eric was always there to help. He was in college as I was in high school. Unfortunately, there is a sad story behind it but we don’t talk any more. I still think about him every day.

    Joe and I met on a gay teen website. He was struggling with some very serious issues such as growing up as a gay Catholic in the Midwest. We shared stories and advice. We always appreciate each others company and insight. We still talk a few times a week. I have never met Joe in person, but I intend to soon.

    Back in the day, I had another blog which has since been taken down and I met Kurt on there. Kurt is a guy from California who commented on my blog once and we started talking and hit it off. Kurt and I became good friends and offered each other advice. Again, Kurt is a bit older than I am. Feelings got a little carried away I think on both of our parts but after a while I ended up getting hurt. Looking back, at the time I was angry and upset. Now, I just see how foolish I was for getting that emotionally invested in someone who could never really work out. Kurt and I have not met, hopefully this will happen soon.

    The most recent guy has been the one that visited this January. I have gone into extensive detail about him in the past so I am going to spare the details now. We are best friends for sure but there are more feelings on my end. I know that things will never work out with him, and I am coming to peace with that. Anthony has helped out with this.

    So I ask, “Why do all of these significant relationships start online?” I think part of the answer is simply, the internet provides a place for people with similar interests to come together and talk. I think the other part has to do with the internet being an anonymous place that is more conductive to people revealing parts of themselves because they don’t have to look someone in the eye to tell them what they want them to know. I can sit here alone in my office and pour details about my life into my computer because it is just me and my computer. I know that some people from my “real life” read this blog and there are things in here that I don’t think I could tell them in person simply because some things are not that easy to share.

    The people I have met online have certainly shaped who I am as a person and the internet has provided me the opportunity to meet some amazing people I would not have otherwise had. It is an amazing feeling to feel so much care, concern, and even love for a person that you have never met face to face. It’s a feeling I know I will continue to have for a long time to come.

    Posted on May 11, 2009 to:

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  • Date Three

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    Tonight I went on another date with Anthony. I think we both really had a good time. We walked around for a while and then rented and watched Role Models. Then we went to dinner at the same place we went last time. (I am original huh?) We walked around the city dodging the rain which was fun.

    I get the sense that we are both having a good time. Anthony is really really cute and I am becoming more and more comfortable around him. It is definitely something that I could get used to. I will not get to see him for a while because he needs to find a summer job but I really hope that I can see him again as soon as we can.

    I am off to bed. I am tired. There will be more details to come in the future.

    Posted on May 10, 2009 to:

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