Archive for the ‘coming out’ Category

  • The Straight Best Friend

    By coverthomo

    7 comments

    Lately, I have had a couple of conversations about my best friend and the dynamics of of the gay man/straight man “best friendship.”

    Let me provide you with my story. My best friend was the first person that I came out to. We both went to high school together and had several classes together. He was your typical jock back then. He was on the soccer team and was the star of the track team. He had a very cute girlfriend who he was truly in love with. I was more of the quiet guy who wasn’t really popular and never really spend much time around school after hours.

    I came out to him one day over instant message during our freshman year of college. He was the first person I told and my heart was racing, I was sweating as I typed in that message. After I hit that send button there was nothing that I could but sit in anticipation. This was his message in response:

    “thats perfectly fine with me dude.. to each his own…. there is nothing wrong with that or how you want to live your life.. if anything ur prolly the smart one.. u dont wanna live with a woman trust me haha.. but yeah dude, ur a good guy, and i respect that u were able to tell me that too. its takes a lot of courage… it takes a lot of guts to tell people something like that… some people care about these things and are weirded out by it, but i respect u and i appreciate the friendship that we have… if this is how u feel there is nothing i can do about it.. I accept you for you”

    I don’t think there is anything more that he could have said to put me at ease. I felt so relieved, so grateful.

    Today, we are still great friends. We often talk with each other about life how old we are getting. When we were kids, we always talked about how we were both going to be successful when we got out of our small towns and now we look back at that and laugh because we are part of the few that did get out and are making something of ourselves. He always comes to me seeking relationship advice which I am always happy to give. We have been making more and more of an effort to hang out together when we can. I am planning on having him over for a weekend in a couple weeks. We don’t talk much about my being gay which frankly, is fine by me. Him seeing me as much more than that is just what I wanted. I feel comfortable talking with him though. Recently when I was going through a rough time, he sensed something was wrong and we were able to talk about it. He truly is a great friend and I am honored to have him in my life.

    I know that coming out to a straight friend may not always go as well as it did for me. Do you have a straight best or close friend? How did he react when you told him you were gay? Are you still close? Let me know in the comments.

    Posted on January 19, 2010 to:

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  • Coming Out To The Parents

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    This Thanksgiving weekend has been a rather interesting one. My family had a nice dinner at my aunts house. It was good to see all of the family. I hope all of you readers enjoyed your day as well.

    Recently, I have been getting the sense that everyone knows about me being gay and that me pretending it is a secret is just a big joke. Now, I am not the flamboyant type, and I tend to keep to myself so the obvious signs that people look for are probably not so obvious. I have never had a girlfriend or really showed any interest in women at all. So one could certainly speculate in that regard.

    I think the time is coming closer for me to start telling more people. I have been thinking about the best ways to tell my parents. I don’t suppose there is a good way to tell your parents that you are gay. My father tends to overreact to any ‘big’ news and my mother is so ignorant about these sorts of things and she will probably be the one that falls for all of the stereotypes.

    My mother is an interesting woman. She really has had a tough life. She lost both of her parents at a relatively young age and she really struggles with alcoholism. I love my mother, I really do, but she is also very unintelligent. All of these things are going to be difficult to maneuver when I decide to tell her.

    I need to tell my parents and the rest of my family at some point. It is really what is holding me back from being completely open about it. I really can’t keep putting it off. I am completely independent of them which is comforting to know in a worst case scenario situation. The holidays are probably not the best time to tell them as I am sure there is going to be overwhelming amounts of stress anyway.

    On another note, I am going to go hang out with Anthony this week and we are going to watch Glee and maybe get some takeout or something. I am sure that we are going to have a good time. I am really looking forward to going and just being myself. I will keep you all updated.

    Posted on November 30, 2009 to:

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  • Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    letgoI wanted to pass this along to everyone. It’s something that I read on JoesphRanseth.com. The original author is unknown.

    To “Let Go” Takes Love
    To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
    To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can’t control others.
    To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
    To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
    To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
    To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
    To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
    To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
    To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
    To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
    To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
    To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
    To “Let Go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.
    To “Let Go” is to not regret the past but to grow and to live for the future.
    To “Let Go” is to fear less and to love more.

    After reading this and admittedly almost coming to tears, I realized what I need to start letting go of in my life and how its not a bad thing, but necessary to grow be myself. I need to gather the strength and just start letting go.

    I hope someone out there finds this as helpful as I have.

    Posted on October 19, 2009 to:

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  • Dear Mom and Dad,

    By coverthomo

    2 comments

    Dear Mom and Dad,

    This week marks the third year that I have been out of the house and living on my own. It feels as though it was not long ago that I was moving out, while at the same time, so much has changed in the past few years that I have been away.

    I have made some new friends here, started an amazing job and had some amazing opportunities. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t realize how fortunate I am to have what I have. I am happy.

    I am very fortunate to have great parents and great family. I really do believe that my upbringing and my experiences as a child molded me into the person I am today and is in part the reason I am blessed with what I have today.

    There is something that has been keeping me back from being as happy as I can be. I have been unable to share part of my life with you that means a lot to me. I have struggled to find a way to tell you for years as there seemed to be no natural time so I thought I would take the opportunity to tell you in this letter. I’m gay.

    I am sure that you have at least suspected it. I have tried to leave hints here and there. Being gay is not a choice. It is something that I have struggled with for years and have recently come to terms with.

    I know there are all sorts of stereotypes that you probably have of gay people. I promise, I don’t fit into any of them. I am still (CH) and I am still your son just like I have always been. There is no reason for alarm. I am perfectly healthy and perfectly happy.

    I hope now that this brings us closer. I know it may be hard to understand or accept, but I ask that you try. I don’t expect our relationship to change. In fact, I hope it doesn’t other than making it more honest. I love you both very much and I am here to answer any questions you have and to talk about this when you are ready.

    Your Most Loving Son,

    CH

    **I have not sent this to my parents, nor do I have plans to anytime soon. It just seems as though writing letters to people really makes you think critically about them and about your relationship to them. After I read this, it seems sort of impersonal. Let me know what you think**

    Posted on September 3, 2009 to:

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  • Update From Home

    By coverthomo

    3 comments

    This weekend I went home and spent some time with my family. This is the second weekend in a row that I have had to go home. Let’s just say that I am glad to be back at my home in the city and I am going to be glad to be back at work.

    A while back, I posted about how my aunt told me that my grandparents were talking about me and about how they thought that I may be gay. Today my grandmother tried to slide a comment into a conversation to hint around the fact that she thinks that she knows. She said something to the effect that I could always bring whoever I wanted home and that any friend of mine was a friend of the family.

    I thought this was cute. She has never been on for subtlety. Someday, I would love to bring a significant other home. It is something that I think about a lot actually. I have always been close with my family, with some obvious exceptions, and being able to do that would be amazing. I don’t want to say it is a goal, because it shouldn’t be something to really work toward but rather a place that I would like to end up. I think if I had that level of openness and comfortability with my family that I would be a much happier person at home.

    My aunt is the only one in my family that currently knows about me. It is a shame but I haven’t really got to hang out with her like we used to so the subject really hasn’t come up. I really don’t know what there is to say on the subject and part of me thinks that I should just not mention it unless it is brought back up again.

    Posted on June 1, 2009 to:

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  • Weekend at Home

    By coverthomo

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    This weekend, I went home to see my parents. It was a relatively quiet weekend. My father said something that just reminded me how clueless some of my family really is about my sexuality.

    My dad was talking about how my mother and I used to take a vacation every year and how my mom misses that. I told him kinda jokingly that my mother goes to bed at 7 o’clock every night and that that would not make for a very exciting evening see as I am usually up until at least 2 am. He replied, “Well, you can just go to a bar and find a woman and bring her home.” It would be like my father to say something like that. Not only am I not into women, nor have I ever led him to believe that I was but I don’t drink.

    It’s frustrating sometimes because I would love it if they would just take the hint and figure it out. I have not gone out of my way to hide it. I have never dated a woman, or ever showed interest in them for that matter.

    I know that I am looking for the cheap way out. Having them ask me would be a lot easier than having to tell them (at least easier for me). Truth is, I don’t know how they will take it. I can see my dad being upset at first, but then coming around. I haven’t a clue about my mother but I think that she would be the less accepting parent. I guess we’ll see in time.

    Posted on May 4, 2009 to:

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  • Before I Confess

    By coverthomo

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    I found this poem on PIER ROBERTO GIANNELLI’s site. This poem was written about a person who was at one time promiscuous and became infected who feared telling the people he loved I found another meaning that I could apply to my life.

    BEFORE I CONFESS

    Will you love me, even though
    I’m someone you don’t quite know?

    Will you show me understanding
    When I’m unfair and demanding?

    Will you love me in spite of
    The childish fear behind my love?

    Will you love and want me still
    When I’m old and poor . . . or ill?

    Wait–will you love me if I say
    . . . What I may not . . . or I may . . .

    Will you love me anyway?

    Please visit HomoEroticPoems.blogspot.com to read this and other poems by this author.

    *This poem is not my work. If you are the owner and would like it removed email admin@coverthomo.com and it will be removed promptly.

    Posted on April 21, 2009 to:

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  • A New Show-Kings

    By coverthomo

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    There is a new show that I have been trying to keep up with. It is called Kings. It is on NBC and it airs Saturdays at 8/7c. Although I don’t have an exciting life, I usually catch it online shortly after it airs. You can find it on Hulu.com and on iTunes.

    This show has many of the things that make any show great. It has violence, love, greed, and many subplots that keep the story interesting. One such plot consists of the Prince, who was saved in battle by a common soldier whom his father is now showering with power and gifts for saving his son, who lives a double life. He chases women around in the public eye but behind the scenes, he is gay. Here is a clip where he finds out that his father, the King, knows of his secret.

    Posted on April 20, 2009 to:

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  • Another Step to Being Less Covert

    By coverthomo

    2 comments

    So after talking yesterday to the guy I am going out on a date with this weekend, I decided that I need to start telling more people about me being gay. He spoke in an honest manner and told me that the fact that I am not out at all is a turn off. So today I decided to take some action.

    I decided that one of my aunts would be the best person to tell. I told her that there was something that I needed to talk to her about and that it needed to stay between us. She agreed. I was shaking and I felt sick to my stomach. I ended up telling her. I kind of knew that she would be okay with it and she was. She told me that it was our secret and that she was there for me. It was a great feeling. We ended up talking for a few hours. She asked all sorts of questions. I assured her that I was not into any weird sexual things or anything like that. She asked if there were any older men. I assured her there were none. We also talked about who knows and things like that. I told her about all of my friends and their situations. She was very cool with everything. She assured me that I was always welcome in her house and that if i needed anything, she would be there for me.

    It was a productive day. It was also exhausting at the same time. Now I get to prepare for the next person I tell whoever that may be.

    Posted on April 7, 2009 to:

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  • How Covert Should the Blog Be?

    By coverthomo

    1 comment

    So, recently the online guy asked about my blog. I had mentioned the blog in the past but it kinda just passed by in conversation. This time he asked him when I was going to show him.

    After he asked that, I went through the blog and I was reminded of some of the pretty sensitive material that I have posted here. Some of it is no longer true but some is.

    I could block out some of the posts that are particularly sensitive but I want this to be a place where I could come and freely talk about what is going on in my life. I told him this and he seemed to understand.

    What do you all think. How covert should the Covert Homo be? Should I share these things with him? Some of these things would be nice to share because they are not really things that I would say to him while I may be embarrassed by some of them.

    Your thoughts are appreciated!

    Posted on March 3, 2009 to:

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